Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Dating Values

A liberal rabbi friend of ours just received a copy of a magazine called The Shaddchan. She says it was "an orthodox publication that lists men and women who are seeking matches along with information they have provided about themselves."

She has written a great post dissecting the differences between how personal ads work in this frum magazing versus more conventional contexts.
I was amazed to see mussar influences throughout. In the secular world, or even the liberal Jewish world, singles ads usually stress good looks, good income, love of fine dining , movies, nature and the like. People describe how they look, usually at some length.

Well, in The Shadchan people are crowing about, of all things, their character, and seeking others with same. We get their height, but nothing else about their appearance. On the other hand, we hear alot about their middot.

Here are some examples:

21 year old woman seeking "smart, broad minded, true Ben-Torah, Talmid Chochom with excellent middos. Should currently be learning and want to continue but willing to assume making a parnassah when required. Prefer no beard.

37 year old man describes himself as "very halachic type, follows advice of a Chassidishe Rav, very serious in davening and doing mitvos. Kind hearted, Ba'al Derech Eretz, soft spoken. In the section marked "As described by others" it says of this man "Baal middos tovos, kind hearted, giving, always ready to help others, will always find the good in others. His life aspiration is to "Build a warm family with whom I can spend much time while also helping other members of my community."
Of course, there is a bunch more post, so go check it out.


At 3/29/2007 , Anonymous midlife mussar said...

I am the liberal rabbi in possession of the issue of The Shadchan. Since I have been married for 32 years, my use for this particular document is extremely limited. Anyone who would like to relieve me of my copy, feel free to post your request on my blog.


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